Relationships are messy. Anyone that has been in a serious one can attest to that. Those relationships that seem built on nothing but bliss have either weathered their storms or are still waiting for them to come. There’s no getting around. But there is the chance to survive it, to become not just a better couple, but a stronger person. You have to face that storm and get in touch with some ugly truths.
The roots of our anxieties
Most of the time, the difficult and stressful times of a relationship aren’t even about something that someone has done. The imagined reality is a powerful contributing factor in the choices we make and the things we say. In relationships, we’re vulnerable and our cognition of things that we fear lead to some ugly behaviors. Most people who suffer from jealousy know that it’s not pretty and often unfounded. We need to look at ourselves and ask where these anxieties really come from. Projection of behaviors we feel guilty about, the desire to protect ourselves because of perceived imperfections in ourselves, even a sense of having to compete to ‘prove yourself’ to your partner. Rarely are our anxieties fully informed by our experiences with a person.
How your behavior affects others
That competitive nature in a relationship can also turn it into an ‘us’ vs. ‘them’ game at times. Except the ‘them’ is your partner, whose side you’re supposed to be on. We all need to be a bit more mindful and self-aware of how our actions have repercussions. For instance, at the source: thriveafter50.com, there’s a great tale of how one man learned to see how perfectly justifiable or at least reasonable actions in his viewpoint can easily be seen as self-centered and even hurtful in the eyes of a partner. Without putting real effort into empathizing, you will never be able to connect your actions with how your partner reacts to them.
Escape the negative place
We all have a little negativity inside us. It’s important to be a well-rounded person. But if you feel like negative thoughts are dominating your mind, then you should look at places like success.com to look at how you cultivate a positive lifestyle. It’s about doing positive things first and foremost. Taking the time to acknowledge yourself, to do something that does good for others, even to say nice things about your partner when you otherwise feel no incentive. We are the product of our experiences and our experiences are often shaped by our actions. Make the conscious decision to change your actions. That changes your experiences. Which changes you.
Communication is always, always, always the key
There’s no getting around it. Even if you think you and your partner are tight and have a wordless bond, nature abhors a vacuum. What’s left unsaid is ready to be filled with all kinds of replacements. Doubt, passive aggression, and fear are some of the most likely assumptions. That’s because we all simply need a little reaffirmation and a little explanation.
We all have some ugly truths to us, even if we don’t know them. They don’t make us terrible people, they make us human. But they can also get in the way of a fulfilling relationship. Finding your own and your partners, together, is vital to finding that bliss.
