If you have recently been hurt by a bad relationship, you may be tempted to go looking for someone who has nothing in common with the ex. This can be a huge mistake that leads to even worse problems.

Here are some tips for sorting the wheat from the chaff when trying to start over after getting hurt:

1. Do Some Journaling
Take some time to privately record your thoughts and feelings. Try to analyze what was good about your most recent relationship, what was bad and what was neutral.

It may help to wonder which bad parts were bad habits of yours, which parts were bad habits of theirs and which parts were bad things that only existed because the two of you were together. Not everything that goes badly with one partner will go badly with every partner. Sometimes it’s just a bad fit with that one person.

This is a good place to vent and say crazy things that you don’t really want to say to other people. Simply writing it down can help you realize when it’s something ridiculous so you can let it go.

2. Mum’s The Word
If you want to find someone who isn’t like your ex, don’t talk about your ex. Don’t describe them physically and don’t describe their personality, especially in social circles where you are likely to meet a potential romantic partner or around people who might be inclined to make introductions. Your Love Choice has great articles on more about this topic that you can visit

Telling the world that you have an ex who is blonde can cause other people to think you prefer blondes. This can help make it hard to break out of a pattern and figure out what actually works for you. This goes double for personality traits that you may not want in a future relationship.

3. Go With Someone A Little Different
You probably had at least some good reasons for being attracted to the ex. It’s fine to be attracted to people who have some things in common with the ex, but look for differences as well.

You want to try to find someone that has their good traits without their bad traits. Not everyone who is passionate has a bad temper. Not everyone who is calm, cool and collected has a cold heart. It’s fine to say “I want x, but not y.” and go looking for it.

4. Keep Things Private
Some people with family drama find it works better to meet people through online dating services. Even if you have a great circle of friends, keeping your relationship away from prying eyes for a time can help you cut out whatever bad habits were a problem in your relationship.

Your friends and family may project negative things onto your new partner because of your ex. Or they may tell your new partner things you didn’t want them to know just yet. The relationship will have a stronger start if you let it blossom privately at first.