Anyone that has been away from the love of their life, for even a small amount of time, will know that it can be terribly difficult. It’s so easy to get worried, or jealous about what your other half is doing. Or to miss them so much that it’s just easier not to be together. It also tough to be romantic when you are halfway across the other side of the world. So how do you keep that flame alive and make that long distance relationship work? Read on to find out.
Jealousy
One of the most damaging thing in any relationship is jealousy. In a long distance one, it can be devastating. Most people’s relationship worries are at least in part soothed by the close contact of the other half, but in an LDR, you don’t have this luxury.
That is why it’s so important to be able to say when you are feeling hurt or threatened. This can be tough to do because it makes us feel vulnerable and like the other person has some insight in how to hurt us. But the truth is if they don’t know that they are doing something wrong they won’t be able to correct it or reassure you.
Good Communication
Having a successful long distance relationship very much depends on how well you can communicate as a couple. Do you find it easy to be open about your wants and needs, or do you suffer in silence hoping thing will get better on their own?
Remember too; that quality communication is a different thing to the quantity of communication that you have. It might work better for you and your partner to have a dedicated time each day that you use to catch up or so something fun together like play an online game. Some couples make the mistake of using social media and messaging apps to be in contact constantly. This can lead to one or other of them feeling suffocated, even in a long distance relationship!
Romantic Letters
Also, the power of a real letter should not be underestimated in today’s world. Getting a snail mail can be quite the event these days. The recipient gets to feel special and excited when they open it. It is a great way for the sender to show their partner that they are making a distinct effort to stay in contact in a novel way.
It’s also a great excuse to be romantic. Include a poem. A picture of the two of you or yourself, or divulge your wishes and hopes for the future.
A lovely way of caring for a partner that is far away is to write them a ‘tough times’ letter. Pick all the qualities that you think they will need to get through a tough time and write them along the bottom of a piece of paper. Then tear a strip in between in one, so they are just hanging on by the top. Then the recipient can tear each one off and take it with them when they are going to be in a situation where they need some moral support.
Parcels
One of the best ideas for keeping the romance alive in long distance relationship is to send regular packages to your partner. These can contain anything you think that they would enjoy. Popular items include their favorite candy bar, an item of yours sprayed with your scent, or a book that you have a copy of, so you can read and discuss it.
Remember too that some people’s love language means that they feel appreciated by being given gifts. They don’t have to be expensive things, just things that show you are thoughtful.
The idea is to show them that even when you’re not in contact that you are thinking of them, and they are cared for. Luckily, parcels are not too expensive to send overseas now. You can even check your parcel costs by weight before you send them, so you can make sure that it doesn’t cost you a fortune!
Movie Nights
One of the most vital things that you can do as a long distance couple is spending time in each other’s company. Fortunately, now we have the technology, we can do this without actually being in each other’s physical presence.
Use video chat to see each other every day. You can use things like Apple’s faceTime or Skype for this. Or keep a snapchat story so your other half can see what you have been doing in the day.
Don’t think that you just have to chat via video calling either. You can use it to have a proper date. Cook the same foods, and watch the same movie with video chat open. Then you can discuss it as it goes along. Video chat is also great for feeling like you are falling off to sleep with the other person there.
Trips To See Each Other
If it is possible, then having regular trips to see each other can help you maintain your connection in the relationship. It also gives you something to look forward to, and it’s easier to break down the time until you see each other next. For example, your spouse could be away for a year. But if you get to see them every two months, you will be working in two months stints, gearing up for the next time you see each other.
So what should you do on your trip to see each other? Well, be careful of trying to do too much. Remember that the most important thing about the trip is to reconnect on an emotional and physical level. Yes its great to make memories outside of the home, by going out to do things, but sightseeing shouldn’t be your main priority here. It should be each other.
Another question a lot of people in long distance relationships ask is ‘should you stay with each other or go somewhere entirely new?’ Well, it depends on quite a few issues. The first is money. If it is clearing your bank account just to get on a train or plane to see your other half, then it may be much more economically to stay with them at their place.
However, it can be difficult for a long distance love to fit in with partner’s usual routine and family commitments. If you’re going to be staying with your other half’s family for the first time, try and speak to them on video chat and break the ice before you get there. Or you can waste quite a bit of time feeling uncomfortable and trying to make a good impression when you should just be focusing on your relationship.
A Goal
Another thing that can really help both partners cope in a long distance relationship is to have a goal to work to. Are you looking to move into together or get married in the future?
Or are you already married and one of you is away from home due to work commitments? Then it helps to be reminded of the goal that you are making this sacrifice for. Is it so you will have a good financial start for your children? To buy a house? Or is one of you serving your country? When the distance seems worthwhile, it’s a lot easier to bare.
Being Happy In Your Own Company
Long distance relationships can be hard, as they don’t fulfill certain needs in the way that a close quarters relationships do. In particular, a lot of people can enter into a relationship for the company and to boost their own sense of self-esteem.
People that struggle to be on their own, can form romantic bonds with other primarily as a way of coping with their negative feelings. This is a lot less likely to happen in a long distance relationship. This is because the physical distance between you means you will still have to spend a lot of time alone.
Although this can seem like a major downfall in the type of relationship, it can actually be a blessing in disguise. Take the time to be ok spending time alone. Develop a positive sense of self-esteem that comes from within and not without. Then you will be an even better partner to your long distance love when the time comes that you can actually be together.
Keeping Up With Your Support Network
It can be easy only to focus on your partner when you are in a long distance relationship. The fact that they are not physically there with you means that a lot of your attention has to be directed their way when you do get the chance to speak.
But don’t let yourself become all about the relationship and nothing else. You won’t do you relationship any good by sitting in your room alone all the time. In fact, it’s vital that you keep up you friendships and relationships with family members. They are important too, and they can offer you company and support in addition to your LDR.
